Welcome To Our Dungeon

 

Hey, welcome to the premier post of Your Dungeon Is Racist.  All are welcome! 

This will be a satirical blog poking fun at all the insanity gamers see on a daily basis, similar to The Onion and Babylon Bee.

If you'd like to submit an article, meme, artwork, or whatever, feel free to email editor-in-chief Venger Satanis at Venger.Satanis@yahoo.com

Enjoy,

VS

p.s. I going to moderate comments like a platform, not a publisher.  


Comments

Eric Walls said…
"Your Spaceship is Homophobic"

I will call him 'Robin;' he used to sparkle like Williams, but now all he does is quote DiAngelo.

He never had the guts to actually say it, but he still let me know.

Our 18-year group was wrapping up game night when another player bragged that I was DMing his sons, my sons and their friends, all in their 20s, through a kick-ass sci-fi 5E game.

I gushed about how creative and entertaining the kids were, and even showed them some art. Xenomorphs, my robot NPC, and deck plans of the scene of a climactic, negotiation-turned-survival-challenge, the bad guy's personal space yacht, Bone Smuggler.

I admit, I did not realize, maybe had forgotten, what that phrase meant. I just don't traffic in slurs much.

The bad guy was a frat-boy, manchild, spoiled, trust-fund, rave kid who owned - and named - the space yacht, a custom-built, quarter-scale, sub-light replica of the Millennium Falcon. It had a single-seat cockpit, bar, 80" TV, stripper pole, and a water bed.

The game was set in the near future, by the way.

I pulled 'bone smuggler' out of my memory as a hasty, unsophisticated way for an idiot with too much money to give a ship a mystique of smuggling and piracy.

But 'Robin' only saw the words Bone Smuggler on those deck plans. I guess he forgot that we had known each other for 30 years, he was in my wedding, I helped plan his elopement and babysat his kids.

"Oh, bone smuggler." "BONE smuggler, right?" "BONE SMUGGLER?"

"What am I missing, Robin?"

He cocked his head and glared at me, "BONE... SMUGGLER!"

The rest of the room was silent. I think the guy who starts arguments just to sit back and watch the fireworks, went to make popcorn.
I stood there gobsmacked until someone, thank God, changed the subject. I think 'Robin' just turned away and stalked into another room.

At home I looked up 'bone smuggler' and said "fuck it. No SJW is going to tell me how to run my game."

We played the encounter onboard Bone Smuggler even better than I had planned. I was ready for the kids' characters to tell the bad guy that his ship was named "gay," so I rehearsed him sputtering and freaking out, and going through all the stages of mourning in 30 seconds, but they never mentioned it.

It was one of the best scenes I ever DMed. Just like Boogie Nights, The Office and Firelfy all rolled into one. Great dialogue, scheming, and a payoff that literally had them cheering.

I didn't know it at the time but one of those kids was gay and one would start wearing women's clothes and change his name. I still see the gay kid, and I finally asked him how everyone felt about it.

He said "it was just hilarious."
September 14, 2021 at 9:03 PM
Anonymous said…
Might I suggest you set up a system so folks nominate the most SJW comment on a thread and you set up a weekly poll of the top nominees.
September 20, 2021 at 1:23 PM
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