Your Dungeon Is Racist

  Hi, My character is named Weenu.  Don't ask me about my class or alignment - it's none of your business.  We all have skills.  We are all valued members of the adventuring party community.  Morality is relative, everything is basically equal... cats and dogs should be able to legally get married and being a MAP (minor attracted person) is probably even better for environmental justice than heteronormative sexuality because systemic racism, queerbaiting, feminism, the patriarchy, cops, Kyle Rittenhouse, and climate change.   Weenu identifies as sword-wielding and mandolin strumming, loves chocolate, but most importantly wears khakis.  Their khakis is an important part of the character concept.  In fact, it's the main driving force behind their entire personality... just like me.  Assuming that I'm a bard is both transphobic and racist, and don't assume gender or sexual preference - flutter-shy pixie/orc fluid hemaphrodite and humiliated...

  You know what roleplaying games need?  More bureaucratic authority!   Player agency is too important to be left in the hands of players.  Instead, RPG experts like scientists, doctors, healthcare administrators, teachers, school boards, reptoids, and members of Congress should make all character decisions for you.   As the Dungeon Master for our group, I have an open chatbox to several governmental agencies in case the fighter wants to attempt diplomacy or the bard peruses the wizard's library for clues.  Especially, when such actions fly in the face of my delicately crafted narrative!   If players overstep their authority by deciding what their own characters do, that's just going to ruin the game.  Who knows what's best?  Some random dude sitting at my table, trying to immerse himself in an elf-game... or shadowy, unaccountable deep-state operatives who I just messaged a few minutes ago? I think you already know the answer....

  YDIR sent our staff writer, Ricardo Alja'azira, to do an in-depth expose on the proposed "evolution" of 5th edition set to fully come out of the closet in 2024, coinciding with the 50th anniversary of Dungeons & Dragons. The following may surprise you as Ricardo went deep... super deep into the bowels of Wizards of the Coast, Project Veritas style, to determine just what changes we could expect to see in the next version of D&D... If your character isn't wearing a rainbow flag, pin, patch, or sticker of some kind, they will be docked 10% of their experience points. Elves are going to sparkle... a lot. At least one member of the party must be confined to a wheelchair (combat optional). Characters will now get Disadvantage on saving throws if they voted for Trump in one of the American presidential elections.  If they voted for Trump twice, saving throws auto-fail.  Also, Hillary Clinton actually won in 2016 - Trump only won because of Russian bots (but mail-i...

  Direct link to video here! Leftoids across the world, in unison, as directed by the chief hive-administrator experts, scientists, and bureaucrats, decided to uninstall their sense of humor in favor of an app that triggers self-righteous anger when other humans say or do something hilarious. For example, when a black woman tells the sitting President of the United States, Joseph "You Ain't Black" Biden, "You ain't my pimp, [n-word]."  You would rightly expect peels of laughter and celebration from normal humans - regardless of party affiliation.  I mean, it's not like political conformity and obedience is now a concrete and substantive fixture of their personality... right? Instead, modern-day progressive Democrats merely shake their heads in derision, intoning the wisdom offered by the church of secular progressivism... "Why won't people listen to the science?" "Everyone should wear a mask and get the vaccine.  You're just being ...

  A woman's right to choose murder is so important in this day and age, especially when straight, cis-male non-orcs and non-drow are making decisions for birthing people throughout the Forgotten Realms, Wokeloft Heights, and wherever Sparkle Prom is taking place this year. I mean, if breast-folk don't have the right to decide if they can murder a human being or not, what are we even doing with our diverse, inclusive, and equitable culture, am I right? Without further ado, let's see what we have for your DnD gaymes this fall on the pro-choice front... How about a random table to roll on after you've created your character with a rich 10-page backstory that everyone at the table (and even random strangers you meet online and at conventions) will want to hear about? [D6] Murdered In The Womb Your mother's career was really starting to go places, so she aborted you before you were born.  Create a new character. Your mother was worried about getting too fat, stretch mark...