Your Dungeon Is Racist

 

  Hi, My character is named Weenu.  Don't ask me about my class or alignment - it's none of your business.  We all have skills.  We are all valued members of the adventuring party community.  Morality is relative, everything is basically equal... cats and dogs should be able to legally get married and being a MAP (minor attracted person) is probably even better for environmental justice than heteronormative sexuality because systemic racism, queerbaiting, feminism, the patriarchy, cops, Kyle Rittenhouse, and climate change.   Weenu identifies as sword-wielding and mandolin strumming, loves chocolate, but most importantly wears khakis.  Their khakis is an important part of the character concept.  In fact, it's the main driving force behind their entire personality... just like me.  Assuming that I'm a bard is both transphobic and racist, and don't assume gender or sexual preference - flutter-shy pixie/orc fluid hemaphrodite and humiliated...

  YDIR sent our staff writer, Ricardo Alja'azira, to do an in-depth expose on the proposed "evolution" of 5th edition set to fully come out of the closet in 2024, coinciding with the 50th anniversary of Dungeons & Dragons. The following may surprise you as Ricardo went deep... super deep into the bowels of Wizards of the Coast, Project Veritas style, to determine just what changes we could expect to see in the next version of D&D... If your character isn't wearing a rainbow flag, pin, patch, or sticker of some kind, they will be docked 10% of their experience points. Elves are going to sparkle... a lot. At least one member of the party must be confined to a wheelchair (combat optional). Characters will now get Disadvantage on saving throws if they voted for Trump in one of the American presidential elections.  If they voted for Trump twice, saving throws auto-fail.  Also, Hillary Clinton actually won in 2016 - Trump only won because of Russian bots (but mail-i...

  A woman's right to choose murder is so important in this day and age, especially when straight, cis-male non-orcs and non-drow are making decisions for birthing people throughout the Forgotten Realms, Wokeloft Heights, and wherever Sparkle Prom is taking place this year. I mean, if breast-folk don't have the right to decide if they can murder a human being or not, what are we even doing with our diverse, inclusive, and equitable culture, am I right? Without further ado, let's see what we have for your DnD gaymes this fall on the pro-choice front... How about a random table to roll on after you've created your character with a rich 10-page backstory that everyone at the table (and even random strangers you meet online and at conventions) will want to hear about? [D6] Murdered In The Womb Your mother's career was really starting to go places, so she aborted you before you were born.  Create a new character. Your mother was worried about getting too fat, stretch mark...