Your Dungeon Is Racist

  YDIR sent our staff writer, Ricardo Alja'azira, to do an in-depth expose on the proposed "evolution" of 5th edition set to fully come out of the closet in 2024, coinciding with the 50th anniversary of Dungeons & Dragons. The following may surprise you as Ricardo went deep... super deep into the bowels of Wizards of the Coast, Project Veritas style, to determine just what changes we could expect to see in the next version of D&D... If your character isn't wearing a rainbow flag, pin, patch, or sticker of some kind, they will be docked 10% of their experience points. Elves are going to sparkle... a lot. At least one member of the party must be confined to a wheelchair (combat optional). Characters will now get Disadvantage on saving throws if they voted for Trump in one of the American presidential elections.  If they voted for Trump twice, saving throws auto-fail.  Also, Hillary Clinton actually won in 2016 - Trump only won because of Russian bots (but mail-i

  We are living in dark times... perhaps even the darkest timeline. The world's largest gaming convention has made a bold, hardline  policy that is both stunning and brave! The frog model, Ka'asssk is believed to be a white nationalist, white supremacist, and leader of the White Frogs Are Best alt-right organization that discriminates against frogs who identify as other skin colors. Ka'asssk quickly rose to fame when he modeled for some kind of fishing roleplaying game... but now that I write it down, that doesn't make any fucking sense.  So, let's move on. GenCon has the most woke, SJW, namby-pamby, snowflake, victimhood chasing, grievance lapping, activists of any convention attendance in the world.  Obviously, they're not going to champion free speech, freedom of expression, freedom of association, anything humorous (including satire and parody), meritocracy, independence, self-reliance, America, compromise, moderation, business sense, economics, chainmail

  Direct link to video here! Leftoids across the world, in unison, as directed by the chief hive-administrator experts, scientists, and bureaucrats, decided to uninstall their sense of humor in favor of an app that triggers self-righteous anger when other humans say or do something hilarious. For example, when a black woman tells the sitting President of the United States, Joseph "You Ain't Black" Biden, "You ain't my pimp, [n-word]."  You would rightly expect peels of laughter and celebration from normal humans - regardless of party affiliation.  I mean, it's not like political conformity and obedience is now a concrete and substantive fixture of their personality... right? Instead, modern-day progressive Democrats merely shake their heads in derision, intoning the wisdom offered by the church of secular progressivism... "Why won't people listen to the science?" "Everyone should wear a mask and get the vaccine.  You're just being

  A woman's right to choose murder is so important in this day and age, especially when straight, cis-male non-orcs and non-drow are making decisions for birthing people throughout the Forgotten Realms, Wokeloft Heights, and wherever Sparkle Prom is taking place this year. I mean, if breast-folk don't have the right to decide if they can murder a human being or not, what are we even doing with our diverse, inclusive, and equitable culture, am I right? Without further ado, let's see what we have for your DnD gaymes this fall on the pro-choice front... How about a random table to roll on after you've created your character with a rich 10-page backstory that everyone at the table (and even random strangers you meet online and at conventions) will want to hear about? [D6] Murdered In The Womb Your mother's career was really starting to go places, so she aborted you before you were born.  Create a new character. Your mother was worried about getting too fat, stretch mark

  Hey, welcome to the premier post of Your Dungeon Is Racist .  All are welcome!  This will be a satirical blog poking fun at all the insanity gamers see on a daily basis, similar to The Onion and Babylon Bee. If you'd like to submit an article, meme, artwork, or whatever, feel free to email editor-in-chief Venger Satanis at Venger.Satanis@yahoo.com Enjoy, VS p.s. I going to moderate comments like a platform, not a publisher.