If You Don't Play D&D 5e, The World Dies

 

The end is nigh!

It's hard to know what to think these days.  That's why we should all be grateful when our thinking is done for us.

I, like many others, were under the impression that gaming was a leisure activity, a hobby, perhaps even something akin to a religious experience.  Little did I know that roleplaying was literally a life or death decision.

According to some guy on YouTube, if you insist on wasting your time with non-D&D 5th edition games, the world will end and human beings will die horribly in unquenchable fire.

Logically, this makes perfect sense... if you think about it.

You see, Wizards of the Coast (owned by Hasbro) makes a lot of money... but not all the money.  5e is also extremely popular, but is not played by everyone.  People doing their own thing is bad.  Money is good.  You should want more of it or, at least, to be nearer to it, and playing 5e... makes the money... more... because Critical Role... and cultural significance.  Just play D&D since that's what most people like, you selfish idiots.  Trust the science.

Also, eat the bugs, live in the pod, take the vaccine (and the boosters), wear the mask, obey the algorithm, tear down the statues, adhere to the gospel of Secular Progressivism, enjoy the censorship, vote the way the multi-national corporations, institutional education, the media, and Big Tech want you to, and stop criticizing politicians - they have our best interests at heart.  You'll own nothing and be happy, you fucking peasant!

To put it another way, WotC's D&D is so strong and powerful that playing OSR games like Basic Fantasy, Labyrinth Lord, Dungeon Crawl Classics, Astonishing Swordsmen & Sorcerers of Hyperborea, Swords & Wizardry, Lamentations of the Flame Princess, and Crimson Dragon Slayer D20 will cause our entire civilization to collapse.  

____________________________

Venger As'Nas Satanis

I get the coffee for Your Dungeon Is Racist

____________________________


Comments

Reu Writing said…
We must all play the same games...

We are all the same...

Difference is bad...
October 12, 2021 at 9:20 AM
Draconian said…
The guy in question, J.Scott Garibay, split his channel in two to make videos promoting the candidacy of Andrew Yang as Democrat candidate on one of the channels. But Yang was polling at only 3%. In one video he said polls don't tell all the story. He said, instead of just ASKING peoole who their preferred candidate was, you have to go through their GARBAGE to identify products a Yang supporter would buy! This would give bigger numbers for Yang, he said!
October 12, 2021 at 3:34 PM
Anonymous said…
Your list did not include MY non-5e system of choice... so your point is invalid 😀
October 12, 2021 at 6:42 PM
Space Johnston said…
Remember when people played games to have fun rather than further their careers?
While watching that I couldn't keep the NIN song Head Like A Hole from playing in the back of my mind.
You Venger!
You need to get in your combat wheelchair and OBEY!
October 12, 2021 at 9:30 PM
Anonymous said…
So I watched half a dozen videos that scott put out starting with his D&D Paster video, and just wow. He really does make try to get people to believe that if everyone doesn't play 5th edition 51-90% of the time, D&D and wotc will not succeed. The numbers he pulls out of his ass with nothing to back it up are astounding.
October 13, 2021 at 1:16 AM
Anonymous said…
I notice he records his verbal diarrhea while driving. I suspect because he still lives with his parents, and his mother won't let him record in the house
October 13, 2021 at 9:30 AM
Zoraxx said…
Guy will shit when 5.5 appears
October 16, 2021 at 8:31 AM
Anonymous said…
Zoraxx, he's already complaining that the current books will be "worthless", once 5.5 appears.
October 16, 2021 at 10:52 AM
TheBrain said…
Wait how does he determine what percent of OSR someone runs with out spying on them in their homes? Extra creepy.
October 19, 2021 at 2:12 PM
Rylanor said…
Vid no longer available
November 9, 2021 at 9:54 AM
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